Remember the Love: How to Rekindle the Fire You Think You’ve Lost
Perhaps in your mind you can remember that unique feeling of being in love with your partner, but in your heart the spark now somehow seems lost. Yet something deep down tells you the fire isn’t completely out; there are embers that can be fanned into flames.
I want you to try something with me.
Imagine walking into a cold room. In the corner of that room, there’s a tiny fire that’s almost faded out. The flames are struggling. But if you look closely, the embers are still glowing. There’s still heat there. Still life.
You forgot how important this fire was. How important it’s for cooking, for warmth, for dreaming.
So you kneel down. You softly blow on it. You place kindling around the warm coals. And after a while, your care is rewarded. The fire grows. It finds its force again. It roars back to life.
And you dance around it, promising yourself you’ll never neglect it again.
That fire is your relationship.
The Spark Isn’t Gone
So many women come to me convinced the love has died. That what they had in the beginning is lost forever. That the boredom, the routine, the mechanical sex, the polite hellos and goodbyes. That this is just what long love becomes.
It isn’t.
The fire hasn’t gone out. It’s just been unattended.
And here’s the miracle. You’re the one with the breath. You’re the one who can tend to it. The power to rekindle what’s between you isn’t in his hands. It never was.
It’s in yours.
Take a Moment to Remember
Before anything else, before any practice or tool or shift, I want you to remember what was there in the beginning.
Close your eyes and imagine him. Not the man he is now, with the routines and the silence. The man from the beginning. That first conversation. The look in his eyes. The way his voice felt in your chest.
- What did you love about him most?
- How did he make you feel?
- What kept pulling you back to him?
- What did you share?
Don’t just remember this in your mind. Feel it in your body. Smell it. Hear it. Let it wake up the cells that have been sleeping.
Because the woman who fell for him? She’s still in you. The man who chose you? He’s still in there too.
Create the Vision
Once you’ve remembered, don’t stop there. The past is only fuel.
What you want now is to create a vision for where you’re going.
Ask yourself:
- How would I feel in my dream relationship?
- What would we do together?
- How would we talk to each other?
- What would I see in his eyes when he looked at me?
- How would I want him to feel when he’s with me?
Write it down. Draw a symbol for it. Put the symbol somewhere you’ll see every day. On your mirror, in your journal, on your phone wallpaper.
The universe responds to clarity. When you know where you’re going, something in you begins to move you there. And something in him will feel it too.
You Are Not Too Late
I want you to hear this clearly: you’re not too late.
I’ve watched women who’d been in dead marriages for 20 years completely transform their relationships. I’ve watched couples who hadn’t had real sex in a decade rediscover each other with more depth and passion than they had in their twenties.
You’re not starting from nothing. You have decades of shared history, knowledge, wisdom, and yes, love. The embers are still glowing.
All that’s being asked of you now is to kneel down, breathe onto the coals, and remember that the fire was always worth tending.
This is week one of your journey back.
Welcome home.
From my book Deeply In Love Again, a seven-week journey for women who are ready to rekindle intimacy and step into their feminine power.
With a big warm hug,
Tarisha